I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
