you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize