shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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