I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize