It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
