During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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