Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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