I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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