there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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