They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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