just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
