I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
