I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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