My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
