and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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