I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As shirtless as possible
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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