is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
