Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
