It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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