I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
