morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back