Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.