i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.