where am i from again
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!