I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.