not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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