So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
