My balls are so social today.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my shit smells like andre
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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