I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
