the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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