He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
