Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
