just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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