I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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