There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
id be glad to
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
