You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
