a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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