i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
