I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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