Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
