I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize