Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Randomize
