why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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