Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
