new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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