I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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