Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
