He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
