I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
