Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
