i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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