I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
