this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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