Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
