I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
