I think I died a long time ago.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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