Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
