I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
