Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
