the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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