He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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