at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
