if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
