I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your penis caused this!
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