I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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