farters have to be the big spoon...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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