Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
