She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize