I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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