You just made me feel so damn special
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
