Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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