the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
