when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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