I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
