Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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