omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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