I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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