3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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