In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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