i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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