So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
