do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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