I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
