I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
