I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
