I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
