I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
